Broken to pieces
by MV93
Summary: It’s not just the heartbreak that he’s gone, it’s not just the nagging feeling that I miss him so much, it’s more. DL, angsty, part one of two.


**A/N: A huge thanks to Kris (sparkyCSI) for betaing!!**

I still can't believe it. I have never experienced something like this before: it's different than everything I've ever felt. It's not just the heartbreak that he's gone, it's not just the nagging feeling that I miss him so much, it's more. It's the not knowing of whether he's alive or dead, the not knowing of his whereabouts.

"Hey Mac," I greet him half-heartedly as I walk into the crime lab. Looking over his shoulder he nods, acknowledging my presence.

"Any news?" _Please, say there is._ _  
_  
He turns around in his chair, and even before he opens his mouth to say something I know my wish has not been granted. I shake my head and sit down next to him. I will myself not to cry, not in front of him. To find him, I have to be strong. Taking a deep breath, I turn my attention to the screen in front of us.

"These are his phone records?"

Mac nods. "We need to eliminate every known number. First family, then friends…" I interrupt him. "I know the procedure, Mac."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I just want to make sure everything… I just want to find him."

It's not every day you see your boss struggling with words, but taking the circumstances into consideration, I'd say it was only fair. Putting my hand on his shoulder, I smile weakly. "Me too."

He coughs, clearly trying to gather himself together. "You knew him well, Lindsay, you start with eliminating the numbers you recognise."

I flinch at the word 'knew'. "Stop it," I mumble. "I _know_ him well. Don't make it so… Don't give up hope."

He sighs. "Lindsay, I don't want to crumble all hope, but I'm just trying to prepare myself and you, for that matter, for reality. Hope is good, but you have to face it, he's probably… not with us anymore," he finished his sentence slowly; almost carefully.

I shake my head, refusing to believe Danny was dead. "I feel it, Mac. He's still alive." I didn't know whom I'm trying to convince, Mac or myself.

Mac smiles at my attempt to remain full of hope.

"I'll get started on the phone records now," I say, turning to the screen again as to not let him see my watery eyes.

"Okay. Let me know what you find out," he says while walking out, leaving me alone in the lab.

"Here we go," I say to myself.

-----

Half an hour later I have eliminated about 75 percent of the numbers. Half of them turned out to be my home or cell, the rest either from Don or his family. The rest of the numbers I can't place immediately, so I decide I'll by Danny's apartment to get his address book later. I hope that I'll have placed every number by this evening, but I know that won't happen. It may take days to eliminate every number, and I know that all too well.

Groaning, I take my cell out of my pocket and dial Danny's number. I know he's not going to pick up, but even the sound of his voicemail can comfort me at least a bit now. I need to hear his voice.

The phone rings once, twice, three times. Expecting the beep of his voicemail, I lean forward, taking my cup of tea in my hand.

"Hello," a voice breathes into the phone, the soft tone hardly covering the bad meanings of the person.

Almost choking on my tea, I sit up straight immediately. "Hello?" I answer. My heart is beating in my throat, thoughts spinning in my head.

"Who is this?"

It's not Danny's voice. I stand up, knowing Mac has to hear this too. "I, I'm Lindsay Monroe. Who are you?"

Looking around the lab like crazy, I try to keep him on the phone.

"Why are you calling me?" the person on the phone asks suspiciously.

Dammit, where is Mac? Emotions are overwhelming me, and I feel tears pricking from behind my eyes.

"Where is Danny?" I ask. I know I shouldn't be so blunt about things, but I can't help it. Seeing Mac, I run the short distance left between us.

Mac looks at me, puzzled. I put my hand over the microphone of the phone and explain. "Danny's phone is being answered by someone else."

His eyes widen and he quickly gestures a lab tech to come over here to track the call.

"Danny…" the man says.

I put my hand on my forehead and sit down, trying to keep my emotions from showing, though I know it's already too late for that.

I hear a grin through the phone. "Why? Do you miss him?"

A tear rolls down me cheek, and I angrily wipe it away. The tracing of the call is almost completed. I have to hold on now. For Danny.

"Where is he?" I demand. Mac shots me a warning look. Don't make him mad, the look says. I nod apologizing.

"He's gone!" the voice cackles gleefully.

More tears fall, and I feel Mac's hand on my shoulder, reassuring me. I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Where?" I repeat, my voice thick from the tears. "What do you want?"

"You."

The last thing I hear before everything gets black is the laughing voice on the other end of the phone.

When I wake up again, I am greeted by Stella's face, looking down on me. I groan and try to sit up straight, but she pushes me back on the couch.

"What happened?" I ask, hoping to hear that they have traced the call to where Danny might be.

Stella sits down and holds a wet washcloth to my forehead. "How are you feeling?" she asks, avoiding my question for a little longer.

"I'm fine," I say, pushing the cloth away and sitting up. "What happened?"

She smiles, knowing I won't be satisfied until she's told me what happened. "We were able to trace the call. Mac, Sheldon and Don and his team are on their way to the location."

I open my mouth, but Stella cuts me off before I even speak. "You are not going with them."

It's probably best if I play along. "Okay. I'm going home now." I swing my legs of the couch and walk out of the room, still a bit dizzy. I mentally slap myself for not being subtler. I just hope Stella doesn't see through it, though I seriously have my doubts about that.

"Lindsay, wait up!"

Dammit. I turn around, plastering my best fake smile on my face. "Yeah?"

"I'm coming with you."

_Shit._ "Stell, I'm just going to go home and sleep."

Stella grins. "Yeah right. I've got the address." She waves a piece of paper in my face.

"But I thought…." I start, confused at her sudden change of heart.

"Look, I know that you won't go home, no matter what I say. So I guess it's just better if we drive there together. I know how you feel, okay?"

I nod silently, thanking her.

In the car, we're both silent. Stella is focusing on driving and I'm busy with my own thoughts. Inside of me, my emotions are killing me. The burning feeling of fear is becoming worse and worse with every second that ticks by I get more scared. In only a few more minutes I'll know if Danny is alive, or…I refuse to think like that, I refuse to believe he's gone. He can't be gone. I need him. I love him. I want him to stay with me forever, until we're both old and grey and we have lots of children and grandchildren to love.

A tear rolls down my cheek, and a sob escapes from my lips. Before I know it, I'm letting it all out. Days of fear, frustration, hope and sadness are finally finding a way out, and I cry my heart out. Stella looks at me and takes my hand in her own.

"Hang in there, Linds. Danny is tough. We're almost there," she tries to comfort me.

"I know," I say between sobs, angrily wiping my tears away. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. We're all scared," she admits.

I nod, and we drive further, now peacefully. I feel numb. My emotions are acting odd the last few days, sometimes I feel like they're overwhelming me, the next moment I feel nothing.

We pull up to a warehouse surrounded by police cars. I jump out of the car and almost sprain my ankle in my attempt to get to Mac as soon as possible. When I finally see his tall figure amongst the other police officers, I almost cry in relief. I hold back my tears, though, and try to be professional.

"Mac."

He turns around. "Lindsay." I don't quite know how he feels about my presence, his tone sounds a bit disapproving but his face looks understanding.

"How… What…?" I stumble over my words. He sees the question I so desperately want to ask in my eyes, though, and nods.

"He's inside."

The moment Mac says that, shots are fired inside the warehouse, and I feel the lump in my throat grow. What's happening?

**A/N: Rawr. I'm feeling evil today. Yes, this will have a sequel. Probably. Just kidding, it will ;) Leave a review on your way out, please:D**


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